Why is it so easy for me to put on that smile and say that im okay, when really im not. Why am i so afraid or reluctant to share what’s really going on with me. Sadly this is something I’ve gotten really good at over the years. Yeah its something i work on, trying to be real with the people, letting them into what’s happening in my world. But it’s so hard for me to show that part of me that’s hurting. I realize now that if I don’t allow people into my world and share with them my pain, my joys, my happiness, I’m just depriving myself of the community and relationships God meant for me to be in. God has blessed me with some pretty sweet people who i know care about what’s going on with me. Some amazingly real Godly women who I know will always be there to live life with me. They push when i need a good shove, or have a word of encouragement when I’m down, and most of all they're just there letting me know that it’ll be alright. God has taught me a lot through these girls; He’s taught me that I need to be real because they’re real and they do care, that’s its okay & that I don’t have to be afraid to share my life with people. And that they won’t give up on me, even when my world is full of ciaos and madness and I’m just about ready to give up on me. So I guess this is thank you, to all of you, for willing to live life with me,for showing me God's love and what its ment to be, for being real, for caring, for being such a blessing and bringing words of wisdom to my life, for just being there. I promise to try not put on a smile and say I’m okay, when I’m not; I promise to be real.


Philippians 2: 1-7 "1 If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, 2 make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. 5 Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, 7 but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness."

its monday already, where did my weekend go?

so last week i was able to hang out with an old friend i haven’t seen in a while. This person played such a big part in my life through out my childhood and even more so when i was in high school. i have memories of us together as far back as i can remember. Just being girls telling each other our most prized secrets, our hopes, dreams, our fears. we both grew up in totally different backgrounds and families but we always seemed to click. we shared a sisterhood/friendship that i thought would never be broken, looking back now i always figured she be a part of my life in some way, big or small. But heres the thing, time changed us. we both outgrew our childhood selves and moved on to who we were meant to become. We chose different paths... So there we were sitting at a coffie shop, myself wondering where time went. Thinking how our lives could have changed so much in just a couple of years. But what i realized that afternoon was that no matter where we both go in life, she will always hold a dear place in my heart. I thought things would be different, that we had changed too much. But we just picked it up as if those years apart didnt really happen. yeah we will both change and chose different paths in our lives but i made a decision long ago that i wanted to live and share life with this girl. yeah ill tell ya straight out, we're different; we do things different, we believe in different things, we live life differently. And despite our disagreements and views in life i still love her. And here's the thing ive always been told to live my life in love and love everyone in my life, and yeah i think that’s very true. But i really didnt grasp what that meaning of love was. I now understand that i have to love people for who they are and not judge them or even try to change them into who i want them to be. And the freedom i got when i realized that was so great, because i finally was able to love with out holding back, with out the restrictions that had tied me down in the past. Im not saying that this is something that will happen overnight, but its defiantly given me lots to think about. And work on.
And thinking about this just got me thinking of Christ (since He is the ultimate love) and his love for his children. How there is not restrictions to love when it comes to God. How He will Love you wherever your at. He will meet you there. This was such a hard concept for me to understand. Because i felt and at times still feel soo unworthy of His love. That i never felt that i was at a place that i was worthy of the blessings and love that He gave me in life. Thats when He taught me that lesson of grace. That to Him, i was worthy to be called His daughter. That no matter where ive been, or done, or even how bad ive messed up, He still loves me and will continue to persue me. Once i saw myself through His love i was able to begin to love myself. Something i never thought possible.

One month left of school and counting.... i dont think ive ever been so excieted for summer to get here already. It seems like ive been at school for ever. But i was thinking about it earlier, and realized that i cant forget about all the things and responsibilities i have in this next month before then. Yeah, theres some pretty sweet things that are planed for this summer, but i also know that God doesnt want me to forget what i have infront of me now. So i guess i was just reminded that i need to take every oppertunity i have now, He has me where im at for a reason, i cant get to ahead of myself.

So today was a beautiful day. Nothing out of the ordinary or spectacular happened; just a day filled with laughter, joy, family and friends. A day like today is one of those days ill look back on and know that that happiness and joy i felt came straight from God. How wonderful and big He is, how He can wrap me up in His love and let me know that it’ll be okay. Worthwhile even. It’s funny how sometimes i get so lost and confused along the way that i am never able to look up from the mess I’m in and see the true blessing i have in life. But I’m thankful that it’s in those little moments that He reminds me of how beautiful life is. As i look back on today there’s countless times where He reminds me of this; That hug from a friend I haven’t seen in weeks, that talk with that student who just brings a smile to my face, eating ice cream for breakfast with my girls, sitting on a bench and sharing that moment with the person beside me, that look across the room from my sister telling me she loves me, being around family and knowing that we are healing (that we will be alright). How can I look back on a day like today and not say that it was beautiful?